sometimes this feels like a game. this life.
one who’s rules are a mystery to me and will remain so.
why do i pull away when it hurts? before it hurts?
not sure it will.
i just tell myself it will. i can justifiy it then.
i have an excuse. one big and looming.
hard and brittle and obvious so that no on can ask ‘why’.
they’ll feel bad for asking, and i’ll let them.
i don’t need your pity, but i can use it to my advantage.
how can i tell if you really care?
do i really want that?
will that take away my excuse to leave?
i wish someone would explain the rules.
so yeah. here we are, yet again. me slacking on the daily dime so much that i feel an apology is in order. i’ve just been so unmotivated to write as of late and it kind of sucks. i wish…oh how i wish…i had more faith in my ability to write something.
half of my inability to write comes from this nagging feeling that i have no idea what i’m doing and it’d just be easier if i left it up to those with talent (aka. the daily dimers). some days i feel like i’m just being a big baby and i need to get over myself and just write…so i do. but the next step is putting it out there for everyone, and that’s where i have difficulty. i want to continue tweaking something until it’s “fit” to post…when i know i should just post something. just get it over with.
quick like band-aid.
please bear with me while i try to grow up.
on a lighter note…or at least a different tune…i decided that i wanted to keep my daily dimes and my “regular” blogging separate, and since i have yet to make use of my blogger account, i think i’m going to be using it for said “regular” blogs. so now, if you’re bored and want to know what’s going on in my world you can go to http://snurffy.blogspot.com/ and maybe i’ll tell you. (c;