feet pounding on the pavement. so hard my teeth are slamming together.
God, help me.
I run faster. Breathing is becoming increasingly difficult. Lungs tighten. The furnace begins to spread. The muscles in my stomach ache. My thighs and my calves are on fire; it spreads until I feel like every part of my body is burning.
Pushing myself, I continue to run. The pain is nothing. I embrace the pain. I need to feel something, anything other than this black hole through the center of me. The pain reminds me that I am still alive. I can still breathe. I can still fight. I will not go silently.
I am running from nothing. I am dying in this internal prison; waiting for someone pull me out. Watching helplessly as this disease consumes every good thing. I am running to remind myself that I’m still here. It hasn’t taken me. It hasn’t taken everything I love.
I don’t want to feel alone in this. I can’t do this alone. I can’t.
I want to talk to someone…to share the burden on my soul. But sharing this with someone else is unthinkable right now. I’m afraid that if I ask anyone to help me, it would surely break them.
I need You. I need to know that You’re there and that I’m not in this alone.
I feel a drop. cool and large on my forearm.
Then another…and another.
The clouds pour out and the rain envelopes my tired body and soul. It is the cool that tames the furnace in my soul. It is the comfort that soothes my burning body.
It is the embrace that I need.