feet pounding on the pavement. so hard my teeth are slamming together.
God, help me.
I run faster. Breathing is becoming increasingly difficult. Lungs tighten. The furnace begins to spread. The muscles in my stomach ache. My thighs and my calves are on fire; it spreads until I feel like every part of my body is burning.
Please.
Pushing myself, I continue to run. The pain is nothing. I embrace the pain. I need to feel something, anything other than this black hole through the center of me. The pain reminds me that I am still alive. I can still breathe. I can still fight. I will not go silently.
I am running from nothing. I am dying in this internal prison; waiting for someone pull me out. Watching helplessly as this disease consumes every good thing. I am running to remind myself that I’m still here. It hasn’t taken me. It hasn’t taken everything I love.
I don’t want to feel alone in this. I can’t do this alone. I can’t.
I want to talk to someone…to share the burden on my soul. But sharing this with someone else is unthinkable right now. I’m afraid that if I ask anyone to help me, it would surely break them.
I need You. I need to know that You’re there and that I’m not in this alone.
I feel a drop. cool and large on my forearm.
Then another…and another.
The clouds pour out and the rain envelopes my tired body and soul. It is the cool that tames the furnace in my soul. It is the comfort that soothes my burning body.
never know what to say here...so i'm gonna leave you with a random survey. if anything it'll give you an idea of my sense of humor.
................................................................
Do You ..
Smoke?: I'm not a fan of early death...so, no.
Do drugs?: nope never...heard too many horror stories from my dad.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: not anymore
Live in the moment?: I think I might be too anal for that...I pretty much over-think most things.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no.
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: If I do I never remember it.
Play an instrument?: bass and viola...only I'm crap on the viola so maybe it doesn't count.
Believe there is life on other planets?: Not in this solar system, but the universe is friggin huge, so ya never know.
Remember your first love?: I remember the first guy I thought I loved...wasn't really love though. I was more in love with the idea of love.
Still love him/her?: no. still consider him a friend though
Read the newspaper?: if there's one at hand. Not really a habit though
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes
Believe in miracles?: yep
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: most definitely
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: pretty much. Stupidity annoys me to no end...but usually I deal.
Consider love a mistake?: no. But I think you can make mistakes because of love
Have a favorite candy?: I like tarty things...starburst, skittles, sourpatch kids. But sometimes a girl just needs her chocolate and I’ll usually take that in any form.
Believe in astrology?: no. I can't believe that Saturn would determine my happiness....that's a load....
Believe in magic?: not in the abra-cadabra sense...
Believe in God?: yes
Pray?: yes
Go to church?: yes
Have any secrets?: who doesn't?
Have any pets: max, my cat. My frog, Physh, just died...so sad.
Do well in school?: pretty much...I'm crap at math though...
Go to or plan to go to college?: I'm there
Have a major?: Fine Arts (photography).
Wear hats?: ha! only if I want to look stupid. My head is not made for hats.
Have any piercings?: ears
Have any tattoos?: one...but I think I need some more.
Have an obsession?: I so want to be a surfer chick one day...
Have a secret crush?: that's a secret.
Collect anything?: people always buy me frogs...so I have a collection, but I don't really collect them. Weird. I know.
Have a best friend?: yeah
Wish on stars?: no
Like your handwriting?: sometimes
Have any bad habits?: I bite my nails
Care about looks?: not really
Boy/girlfriend's looks?: not really...I really only care about hygiene...clean is good.
Friends and other people?: are we still talking about looks? I don't really care what my friends look like, don't see how that matters much.
A Last time for everything ..
Last book you read: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safron Foer
Last movie you saw: The Pursuit of Happiness
Last song you heard: “fault line” by Eliot Morris
Last thing you had to drink: water
Last time you showered: this mornin’
Last thing you ate: cold pizza
Favorites
your favorite myth: Cupid and Psyche. It reminds me to have more faith in people.
your favorite body organ: I appreciate all my organs, thanks.
your favorite body part: on me: eyes. on other people: hands.
your favorite author: J.R.R Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Ray Bradbury, Langston Hughes, Dave Eggers, George R.R. Martin...I like 'em all.
your favorite obsession: .music.
your favorite number: 8
your favorite excuse: "Cuz Jesus wants it that way."
your favorite emotion: contentment
your favorite drug: excedrin
your favorite drink: water or Dr. Pepper
your favorite place: New Zealand but only by reputation. Of the places I've been, I'd have to say Africa, because of the people.
your favorite regret: I don't like to regret...I just like to learn from my mistakes.
your favorite thing to hate: stupidity.
your favorite paranoia: that a bird will fly into my head...strangely enough, I have an abnormally small head....
your favorite insecurity: I'm insecure about too much and I wouldn't qualify any of them as a "favorite".
your new favorite favorite: caramel filled kisses...caramel, good...chocolate, very good....
your favorite frustration: This question frustrates me a little....
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